At 34…… The world looks different, and so does the people that lives there within. Your problems are now more annoying rather than being life threatening. You lose patience for nonsense, lies, disloyal people, corruption, child-like behavior… Mind-sets… Talk. You tried to muffle your lack of patience with a smile, a prayer or maybe even a vague response…. ‘Give it to God, He will work it out.’ When you really want to say, get over yourself it’s not always about you and what you want, it’s never been about you, suck it up, and let’s move on.’ But then that would be rude, inconsiderate, and selfish on my part. The older I get I come to realize more and more about myself, which in turn helps me to see that I knew nothing…. About myself. Christy Dawn Smith has been a conformist to other people’s plans for her life. An emotional and lifestyle contortionists, if you will. Contorting my thoughts, my plans, and even my dreams to everyone else’s. All because I was brought up to respect my elders, be considerate of others feelings in what I said and did, it’s not about me… Ever. In turn I lost who I was trying to please every one else. Now I am currently at a crossroad or maybe just a resting place of when will I be heard, considered, truly loved on, understood, poured into, nurtured, embraced for who I am? At what point will anybody hear my views, opinions, voice, dreams and know that I too matter.
In the past, my relationships failed from the beginning, right from the start, because I didn’t know who/whose I was, let alone how to show them how to love on me. Now my relationships suffers because I TELL them how to love on me , and my standards are higher because I saw just a glimpse of who and what God desires for me to be and have became aware of whose I am. In knowing whose I am, and knowing where I came from is what have removed the veils from eyes. When someone can tell a poverty stricken 8 year old, molested 11 year old, a self-hating 14 year old, a hand me down wearing 16 year old, a part-time fatherless child, a single-mother, a fornicator, a liar, a weak minded 21 year old, a drowning in debt 24 year old, a failure in college 26 year old, a 28 year old with broken relationships, a poverty stricken 30 year old that she is a child (one of many, I am not alone in this, I am not the only one that reaps the benefits of the inheritance) of a King. Not just any King but The Great I Am, The Lord of Lords, The King of kings, The Majestic One, The Wonderful Counselor. That tells me that it’s ok to keep my standards high, it’s ok to lift my head above the trees, it’s ok to expect more out of those that desire to be connected to me, I matter, my concerns are being heard… Daily, my life has value, my story/testimony has value, my skin is beautiful, I am beautiful, I was meant to walk with confidence and pride in my step. It was destined for me to have an educated tone when I speak. So if you are offended by my educated response, or that I walk with high knees and confidence in my step, forgive me and then step aside. While you are on the sideline watching me walk past, know and understand The God that I serve is waiting and wanting to give you a royal spa treatment as well, washing you clean with a fresh anointing, He wants to introduce you to The New You that you knew nothing about. So please don’t be offended by my royalty, because it’s enough to go around.
To be continued….